So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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