Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
