i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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