I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
