The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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