I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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