I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
