so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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