Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
