she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
