i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
