I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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