im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
