i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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