I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
