if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
