I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
