are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
