Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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