I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
