the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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