omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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