When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
