Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
