I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
