i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
