He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
