I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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