Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
