i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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