Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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