Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
