He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
