nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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