I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
