When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
