She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
