My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
