You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
