I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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