I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
