Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
