Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
