You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
