I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
