ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she looked like the before picture.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
