i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
