Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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