thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
