I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
