I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
